SleepLess In Cyber

i had another sleepless night the other day.its been quite a long time since the last time it happened.i didnt sleep at all on saturday and i only slept for like 1hr 1/2 on early sunday morning.i dont know why it happened.its like a condition that i have since forever.there wud be this day where i dont sleep at all until la the next day.i wont feel tired, in fact, when i tried to ganti the sleep on the evening, i cant.have to wait until the night comes.then i cud sleep.i cant figure out why.cud it be stress? i dont think so.cud it be emotionally disturbed? no. or is something bothering me? probably. whatever pun..im okay with it.as long as im not sick or anything..

hey..i gtg..later k.

Earth Hour

*last years Earth Hour

I didnt participate in Earth Hour.Dem.i wanted to.but i was out that day.may not be fun and may not be the most anticipated thing to look forward to here in mesia.but i wanted to be part of it thou i may be among the few who did.anyway, i missed it.but i discovered something that is rather..disturbing which i cant share.how the hell it happened, i have nooo idea.it just came out of nowhere without it being discussed pun.aihhh..ape la nak jadi.i cant think.but i hope there wud be a mutual understanding on that subject matter.fast.i dont want to get too involved.wud affect me so much in every way.emotionally, thats for sure.things will be different.very2 different which i cant bear to think it over.tapi diharapnye...everything will be ok kan.
i dont blame anyone.its just one of the things that happen every other day, u know.we live to make sacrifices, choices, decisions etc.so it'll come back to us.what do we want to do about it..whats next if we decide to do it..what are the consequences and such.therefore, (essay la konon.hehe) what we really need to do is to ponder upon our choices, priorities..decisions may hurt someone but we'll just have to live with it.like i said before, we cant have both things at once.aihh..why is it difficult to make decisions aa?i've always ask myself that question.its either we end up hurting someone or urself.people mite say "thats life, u know.we'll have to accept it and move forward".yeah..reality sucks rite?

3/30/2008 - 2:12:42 AM ~ 4:19:26 AM

Dem.this date and time marked probably the end or the beginning of something.cud be fatal.or cud be good.i am speechless.i am nervous.and i feel numb instead of relieved.well..maybe a little bit glad.but my intuition says that it is somehow wrong.YaAllah..tolong aku.i cant help it.Dem.

My Cup Of Tea

how i like my cup of tea:

Warm/Sweet

:.tastes friendly.:

:.not too hot.:

:.swallow-easy.:

:.sweet,of course.:

:.nice.:

Cold

:.cooling.:

:.slightly bitter.:

:.daunting?.:

:.mysterious.:

:.addictive.:

its nice to have both actually.althou cold tea mite tastes..Cold.but i like it just the way it is.to have two cups of tea wud be nice but u know what they say:

u cant have both things at one time.

Dem.

haha.

Honesty IS The Best Policy

ya..honesty is indeed the best policy ever.we'd rather hear the truth than a lie..heh.are you sure about that?some people cant take the truth you know.because reality is hard to deal with.especially when all you care about is taking care of others feelings and vice versa.anyway, i just got another hit of reality when a fren, in a way, said that im not cute.he was comparing me with another fren and he said between me and her, she's cuter.seriously.thats what he said.it kinda smack me hard inside but i kept my cool (i am cool btw.ehem). i am not cute.yup.i know that..since forever.all this while i succeeded in plastering the truth about my level of cuteness, but tonite, it shattered. just because of one honest opinion.i dont blame him.in fact, i salute him for having the guts to say it out loud in front of others.you could say i was definitely stumped but i maintained my coolness.hurt but its ok.at least now i know for sure that i am NOT cute.i can accept that.no problemo.i admire the fact that he's being so honest and not be afraid of whatever thats coming out from his mouth.unlike some people who'd prefer telling "sweet sugary" lies just to please others.well..its ok if ur trying to not to hurt the person.just dont take it too far, i guess.so now i know one of the possible reasons why im still single.no wonder laaa...isk.hati ini dah kuciwa dan terluka.tapi takpe.at least, saya tau ape pendapat org tentang saya.terima kaseh kerana berterus terang.so skang, apalaga..move on lah!

thanx korang!

Once in A Blue Moon

have you ever suddenly feel like crying for no reason?
every one or two months you just have the urge to cry?
dont necessarily have to have a reason.
just sit at a quiet corner.
and let the tears flow freely.
dont have to be hysterical.
just a soft cry would do.
3-5 minutes is enough.
could be because..

:.you need to just merely let it out.:
be it for a big or small reason.
:.you are to tired?.:
:. you are in the mellow mood.:
:.you want to let go of the past?.:
or just..
:.because.:

well.
im proud to say that i am like that.
i'd cry for no reason at all.
and im not ashamed of it.
its one of the way for me to feel better.
yup.yup.
that's me.
weird.
i know.
but.
that's just who i am.

pernahkah anda lalui phase ini?

Candy Coated Pain

* Shy Hair saved my Blog!! yayyy!! Sankyu Bery Mach! Wev yuu..

* currently, my back hurts. since yesterday.maybe the effect of the bus seat.Whatever.

* i regretted that i went back to my hometown.everybody's pissed.Dem all of them.Opsi..i forgot. "they" are my family. (i have issues with my family)

* i didnt go out the whole 3 days.just stayed home.watched tv.read.sleep.eat.watched tv.sleep.read.eat.

* the car's wipers need to be changed. Pi dah bising (eh tak2.bukan bising.hehe) thanx Pi. (^_^)v

* i craved for cheese. chicken cordon bleu? pitza? lasagna? sume tak.except Chilli's. haha..ade org nak banjer. YAYY!!

* feels like shopping till broke but then again..i AM broke.

* i know im getting fatter.and that worries me.

* at the end of the day, i coated my, worries pain and anger with candy. and plastered a fake smile.

Sepaaaaiiiissssss!!!

semalam kami membuat sepais bday pati utk cik Shy Hair. tak susah utk men-sukses kan sepais pati dia nih.senang je.dgn hanye menggunakan akal dan mulut.hahaha..pade waktu siang tu, kami terpaksa la menipu cik ni.berbagai2 alasan diberi utk men-cover perbuatan kami yg agak-agak licik tu.cik sarinana pegi membeli cis kek.cik anum menggoreng2 nuggets etc.saye dan yg lain men-cover baek nyeer..walaupun saye sikit lagi nak kantoi, tapi ke-blur-an cik Shy Hair tetap dapat ditangani.hahahha.. *wink*

maka..nak dekat maghrib tu, kami dah siap2 dah prepare, hanye menunggu kepulangan cik sarinana dan cik yg nak di sepais je.mase diorg sampai je..tibe2 phone saye plak bising.isk.sape yg call aku nihh??!! time nak buat sepais la dia call.plak tu dia kate dia Inspektor.lagi la saye cuak.tibe2 polis call ckp ade waran bagai.rupe2 nye si Pisang..!!! marah betol aku.nak tanye pasal tiket bas.ciss!! jage ko Inspektor!

hahaha..anyway, walaupun tak dapat nak jerit "Sepaisss!!!", saye tetap seronok sbb kami sukses.cik Shy Hair boleh plak BLUR. aihhh..tapi ke-blur-an dia tu mmg menceriakan kami.tanpa cik Shy Hair, saye jadi bosan tahap dewa.ok, ape2 pun..diharapkan dia seronok dan gumbira walaupun di sambut 2 hari selepas kejadian yg sebenar.semoga panjang umur ye cik Shy Hair!semoga murah rezeki..aminn...

**aihhh...saye dari thn lepas sampai skang maseh mengharap kot la ade org nak buat sepais utk saye.tapi hampa.tak pe lah cik Fofana.buat la sepais utk diri sendiri.yayy (dgn tak bermaya).

Happy Feet

i am smiling.
like a crazy girl.
at least i am happy.for now.
thank you.
for making me smile.
for now.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Talk Of The Town

i hate being talked about. being the center subject in the family makes me hurl. the thing is, if its already happening and real, i dont mind. but talking about the thing thats not even confirmed yet is just..sick. what if i didnt get it? then, my family and especially me will definitely be ashamed.
yes, we will. she always likes to exaggerate. i thought it wud be different this time.I'm wrong. stupid me. *sigh* but since its all said and done, i'll just leave it to the hands of the powerful ones. pray for me okay, guys. amin.

I Dont Like You

Leave me Alone.
as simple as that.
perlu ke ko nak meroyan?minum2?
bodoh.
aku pompuan aa, bongok.
kau merimaskan.
please go away!

Ai-Screaaaaaaaaammmmm!!

CARLITTOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....!!!!
itulah jeritan yg kedengaran di corong2 telinga kami.
aku terkejut lantas melihat ke arah cik zatie.
dia sedang kalut menyelamatkan diri dari Carlitto
yg aku sendiri tak faham kenape.
HAHAHAHA.
dia takkan langgar kete Emey la, Zatie.

HAHA.

Like A Knife

Why would I want to,
Lie like you,
Thieve like you,
Hurt like you,
Deceive like you,
Connive like you,
Cheat like you,
Its not that hard to be like you,
But then again why would I want to?

aku emo.
mulut ko sok sek sok sek.
macam Soyal.
can you NOT talk about ME anymore.
aku penat.
bye.

Mari Makan Cake

someone or 2-3 someones ate my sengkelat cake.
one word: rude

What The Hell

i was mis-under-stood.
and i hate that.
it was just an innocent act (that i purposely DID not intend to do)
and it came out not as i expected to.
why me?
why not yourself?
look at you.
you're too analytic (Psycho-analyst).
everything has to be analyzed.
hey, get a life!

How I Wish..

i wish:

**that i cud get to know more**
**that i am the person to be there**
**to understand why**
**to be the comfort zone**
**to be more acceptable & accepting**
**the person could depend on me**

Lastly, i frankly wish:
**that i wont care. at all**

Hurrah!

Alhamdulillah...finally, it is done.i did went thru a lot to make this happen.i admit that i was too lazy to think and too scared to make a decision.but in the end, i've made my decision and i made my lazy ass move (haha).

i went to 15 to get the desired paper, i took a leave and i went to the other side to beg for mercy (muke tebal.terpaksa), i pleaded 2 superstars to help with stuff, i had to create a genius "hell" (which practically made me crazy. but thanx alot to those who helped.i appreciate it very much).these may not sound a lot and sane but i went thru some hell to get the them done.

i am partly relieved. another part of me is..well...freaking out.why?i dont know.wait.i think i do know.but for now, they're for me to keep and for everyone else to not know.opss..maybe three or five (or six/seven!) of u know but lets just keep it to ourselves for now, ok? thank you.

it wont end if i keep on rambling about this entry.so, i'll just stop here for now.

**my deepest gratitude to ShyHair and Pisang for helping me with the dreaded "hell". sankyu very much.

Sorry for Being Straight? NOT..!

The Definition of:

Homosexual

adjective
1. sexually attracted to members of your own sex

noun
1. someone who practices homosexuality; having a sexual attraction to persons of the same sex

***

its weird considering that i, of all people is talking about this subject. never crossed my mind to post something like this but things happened and i do feel like sharing. so, here it goes.

to make it short, i met a girl.yep.a girl, same age, quite cute and very much a girl lah.we met by coincident thru my cousin.so, we hung out together (along with her other homo frens) and that actually made me feel tiny weeny worried and uncomfortable. the fact that im straight and they are not made me curious too.a lot of questions flooded into my head.

what is it like being with the same sex? is it better? how? why? i went on and on questioning myself and i still cudnt get the answers that i was looking for.althou they were right in front of me.i was trying to figure out how things work when i was "approached" by one of them.
*GILE KE??!! *

without me realizing it, one of them was attracted to me.what did i do? as far as i can remember, i didnt do anything.i was quite, didnt say much and yet i was able to attract a GIRL? Come On! Saiko la that girl.anyway, she tried hard to pursue me (pursue??GROSS!) calling and texting every single day.asked me out for dinner.kept on asking if She has a chance with me. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER??!! cudnt she get it that im Straight. i like men.im into men.i love men.am i asking to much that i got a girl instead? (i told her off so many times and she just didnt give up.Clap Clap for being so Persistent?)

i was utterly annoyed and i cudnt take it.i was rude to her, said harsh things, ignored her calls and sms..and yet, she kept on doing so for like a month or so.after endless of calls and stuff, she finally stopped.Thank God.i was able to live normally again.i longed for peace and i got it.hahahha.

in the end, i still didnt get how things work with homosexuality. its interesting if ur curious but its scary if it happens to u. trust me. i know.

what do u say, peeps??